Deeper and Deeper I will Go (UPDATE)

ALOHA EVERYONE!!!
I hope you are doing well my dear friends! I have been learning so much here at YWAM! There is so much one can do to help those in need. God has truly been opening my eyes. I have had so many people speak over my life the things that God says and how He wants me to serve Him, but I haven't truly stepped out into it. I have been living in the potential that He sees in me, afraid to step out because I might get it wrong. I have experienced so much disappointment in my life that I allowed my fear of it to keep me from pushing forward and succeeding. How often do we let disappointment keep us from His heart? This is something that God is wanting me to confront in my life and walk through, versus accepting disappointment as a way of life.
So, here I am, going deeper into His will, taking a risk AND persevering through it. I often take risks, BUT I give up easily, fearing that disappointment. Funny thing is that by giving up, I, myself, welcome and create the very disappointment I fear. Instead of pushing forward, like I want to, I keep myself stuck in the past. That is a cycle that God broke me of when Jesus died on the cross, BUT I have chosen to live in.... How often do we choose to live in the past, without even realizing it?
I have decided that I will go deeper and deeper into what God has created me for. I feel that I am finally discovering who God made me to be. I am getting more and more glimpses into this beautiful women that has been trying for years to get out and shine! I know many of you have seen her in me, sometimes shining out a small glimmer of hope, but then she hides away at the first sign of trouble. She has been a prisoner of my own self-protected mind. How often do we think we are keeping ourselves safe, when really we are keeping ourselves in prison?
Jesus came to set the captives free! I know I have kept myself captive. I have held onto the fears, lies, pain, and rejection that was spoken over my life. I thought: "I'll show them! I won't trust anyone ever again! HHMMPPPFFFF!" Well, that only served to cause me even more pain. Sure, it kept me from getting hurt by people. Stopped me from trusting some really scary people in my life, yep. AND it also kept me from trusting some really amazing people in my life. How often do we keep the very people we want to have relationships with at bay?
That is just part of what God has been taking me deeper in. I have honestly been very afraid to deal with area of my life because I thought if I did I would fall apart. Actually, a part of me is falling apart: the wall of self-protection I built around my heart. It's not a scary as I thought it would be. I have a real peace about it and it's not as hard as I thought... How often do we let fear of the unknown stop us from even trying to pursue the freedom and abundant life God gives us?
So, that's the heart stuff God is dealing with me on. I hope it gives you some things to reflect on and ponder about your own walk with the Lord. As for other updates: Asher is doing AMAZING! His speech is becoming clearer every day, which the Dr's said might not happen. He follows instructions: which he wasn't doing before. He also has become much more affection to me, Erika (mom), and Matt (dad). He has started potty training and will sit on the toilet for long periods of time (typical male), but won't actually go. We laugh about it because it's like he naturally spends 20 minutes on the toilet and actually ENJOYS it. Now if only he understood that this is where he goes potty... :) He'll get it, he is a very smart boy. He can identify most of the trees around here now. Tirzah is just the cutest girl! She is becoming more vocal and can say ba-ba-ba-ba-bya and m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-ma. She's so cute when she talks. She also follows simple instructions. The family has been amazingly loving and kind to me. They give me breaks at lunch time every Wednesday and listen to all my crazy ramblings/ideas. I have enjoyed them IMMENSELY!
As for after this position is done, I am going to do a DTS called Voice for the Voiceless (go to link) http://www.uofnkona.edu/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=694&Itemid=751&lang=en. You learn how to make news and other informative videos and edit them. It all goes towards learning how to tell people's stories and bring awareness, encouragement, and advocacy to people all over the world. We all have a story to tell and often times the mainstream media/news etc... only cares about ones that will increase their ratings. Often times it is over-exaggerated and the everyday people who have amazing stories get overlooked. I want to be a part of bringing life, encouragement, love, honor, and acknowledgement to people of ALL walks of life. I want to get people excited about what they are doing. This is also a tool I can use anywhere!
Also, I want to learn how to make documentaries; which is something I will be learning there as well! This is a HUGE RISK that I am going to keep persevering and pursuing. I know that God will guide me through this and continue to show me where he is leading. I have been asking God how I can best raise funds for this. I am currently doing chair massages around the base. I have thought about doing an online art auction, but I am not sure how many of you would be interested in buying any of it. Let me know if you are!! :) I can always use prayers, ALWAYS! If any of you do feel led to give just copy the link below in your web browser. You can donate through paypal!
I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!! Be blessed!!!!
Alicia
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