Alright, ever since I arrived at IHOP God has been really speaking to me, and I've been really listening! Great, right?? :) I felt God tell not to do Intro, but God you wanted me here right? Yes. HA! God is so great because He knew the WHOLE TIME that I wasn't going to do it, that is why when I was back at home that I didn't feel right about selling the car I had. It was all because He knew I needed it for work! Isn't He just the sweetest? Besides, the original goal I had for coming here was to die to myself and I don't need an internship to do that, He's been doing that since I got here! It has been intense days of stripping me bear of everything I have ever held onto, and I mean EVERYTHING! Then each time He does that He comes and comforts me with a vision as to why He is doing it: I am going to be His broken bread and poured out wine for the lost, hurting, dying, and broken. And if that is the case, then I need to have MORE OF HIM AND LESS OF ME! AMEN! I have too much of myself in me still. I still have to be right most of the time. I still have "wisdom" I need to share with people. I still have... I still have... I have to share this or that etc... All I need to do is SHARE HIM NOT ME! I can't do ANYTHING! I can't heal a broken heart. I can't bring someone back from the brink of death. I can't, I can't, I can't, BUT HE CAN! And He can USE ME!
So, the main goal I came here with, to die to myself, has been happening. I have been feeling SO EXHAUSTED too. When the Lord is really working on me, all I want to do is sleep, eat, read, and go to the prayer room. Yep. I am so glad I am close to it right now. It's a safe haven for me during this time, even though I don't know anyone. It's a time for me to be refined. It's a time for me to just let Him kill me so that He can heal me and truly use me how He wants to. I mean, I am being refined by fire, so it's going to sting a little bit. Learning to keep my mouth shut and be ok with not having to be right is going to sting... In fact it's going to be down right hard, BUT it WILL be worth it! It's when we are completely dead to ourselves, our desires, our plans, our ideas, our thoughts, our experiences, and perceptions, ALL OF IT, that He comes and heals us. He removes the chaff. He removes the unrefined qualities that we all have from our hearts. Then, and here's the great part of it, HE USES US! He shows us His heart! YAY! We get to learn more about HIM! We get to see Him for who He really is and not only that, we no longer have all of our old memories, fears, hurts, negative thought patterns, etc... to hold us back. This has been the cry of my heart for a very long time! It was only now that I was truly ready for it! This is the season, now is the time!
LORD I YIELD MYSELF TO YOU FULLY TODAY!!! WIll you join me?
LOVE LOVE LOVE
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