Laying it all down to the one that matters

So, last time I wrote about this whole non profit thing... right?? :) Well, I am now in the process of just laying it down and seeking the Lord. I don't think that by any means it is done, but I am really pursuing Jesus here. This is a time in my life where I just really want to see His face and see Him move more in my life. I want to be set apart just as His and His alone. This is a time for me to be refined and purified! YES! To really seek after His face and not be afraid that it will all end in pain again. I have been holding back, BUT NO MORE! I have been in a bit of hiding, BUT I AM COMING OUT OF IT! I praise God that He is never finished with me, He never leaves me where I am at, AMEN!
You see, I was so broken down from a relationship that was just so unhealthy, from both sides. I had really believed that if there was a man who loved me and wanted to be with me, than he MUST be from God, because no one else would ever be able to love me. I was a believer and truly following after God's heart, but I was still so stuck in my past and the hurts that I had received. I really believed that God was the only one who could ever really love me and bear with me through out this life. I thought it was a miracle that I met someone who agreed to love me. And then I got pregnant!!! WOW! What a miraculous gift! It was amazing to be pregnant. It was also one of the most devastating experiences because my body rejected the fetus. Which I see now as a HUGE miracle because the suffering I went through has been COMPLETELY restored and God is using it to touch others people's lives. Most of my suffering in my life I am now able to look back on and take joy in it because He has truly turned my ashes into beauty, which will be used to to pour out love, beauty, grace, and mercy to others.
God is so amazingly more than we could ever have dreamed of. I could never dream up such a wonderful thing, EVER. He is so much better than our thoughts could ever understand here on in this broken world. I can't wait to learn more about HIM and see Him in heaven! Just to be with Him everyday is an adventure, because our God is MULTI-FACETED! He is loving, gentle, lowly, humble, meek, strong, never changing, patient, persistent, full of grace, strong, jealous, full of righteous anger, HOLY, the one true judge, the destroyer of evil.... and SO MUCH MORE! He is the bride groom, the pursuer, the very one who knit us together and yet He is also vengefully angry at those who hurt us. He is someone who at any moment would go to war for us. We can/will have no accusers in front of Him because HE SILENCES THEM ALL! HALLELUJAH! He is the one who makes everything right and woe to them who hurts His precious ones! AMEN!
This is the God that I get to pursue when I go to IHOP! (although, it is hopefully the same one you pursue and if not I challenge you to ask yourself why you don't and for Him to reveal Himself even more to you) I get to go deeper into Him, so that I am less and HE IS MORE! I want to become so low that He is all that is seen in my life. I will give up everything for Him and His purposes in my life. I do it because He is worthy. I do it because I love HIM. I do it because it is what I was made for. Following Him is the only thing that makes sense in my life. I have tried EVERYTHING, believe me, IT DOESN'T WORK and it left me MISERABLE, only having to search for more because I was NEVER SATISFIED! With Him I am FULLY SATISFIED! AMEN! FINALLY I HAVE PEACE THAT TRULY LASTS! I don't have to keep getting high to feel it! I don't have to keep searching for my worth in a man because HE IS THE ONE WHO SPOKE TO ME OF MY WORTH FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME! YEAH!
Now, "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it." Luke 9:24. This speaks to martyrdom, but I also believe to laying down your hopes, dreams, and desires for our life for HIS sake, and here's the BEAUTY in it: when we lay all of that down before Him, HE GIVES US THE DESIRES OF OUR HEARTS ANYWAY!!! HAHAHA! He's the BEST KEPT SECRET! :) Even when we do things that are supposed to be hard and difficult (which it is) He comes and gives us exactly what we were looking for!!! Oh and by the way, those desires become more refined, purified, and perfected along the way as well... which really means they just get EVEN BETTER! He takes our old desires and goes, "ya know... I created you and I know exactly what you want and need so, let's tweak that a little and change that around to this.... and.... and... HA there we go!!! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED ALL ALONG! You just needed my help my dear one!" BOOM! He gives us an EVEN BETTER GIFT/DESIRE/DREAM! WHOA! 

Anyways, haHA! I am laying it all down for HIS glory! My life for HIS life, that's all that REALLY matters in this world. Yeah, I will have blessings etc... and whatever else happens in my life from here on out, but "More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith,that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." Phil. 3:8-11 AMEN!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!