Many of you probably know that my life has been cray cray (as the young kids say nowadays) the last 2 years. I have had lots of transitions and moves. I have done lots of volunteer and mission work. I have traveled and moved around quite a bit. Now, before I head back out into the vast world I am being brought into a deeper place with God. I being brought into a place of love, acceptance, understanding, growth, and diversity all at once that I have now come to call: family.
It has been difficult to adjust because I still want to go. God shows me so much and I am such a "ok, let's go NOW... ok NOW.... ok NOW???" person that it often tests my patience and my heart. I trust and know that God is bringing to pass many things right before my eyes and that before I know it I will be gone. It's learning to enjoying all the waiting and what God is doing to prepare me and the people I am going to that's a bit more difficult at times. I enjoy where I am at, I do... However, my brain often wanders into all those "what" questions that we are all too familiar with rather than take one day, one hour, one minute and enjoy it to the fullest.
I have a VERY part time job right now and while I do enjoy it, I find myself constantly daydreaming about God, children, traveling, war, the pain and depression of so many people, many of who I know personally, and how my life can make an impact. Of course, I have already ministered to some of my co-workers... Just being myself and worshiping God while putting charts away etc... I am finding out that just being the unique person that God created me to be really touches peoples hearts. I am different from a lot of people I know... I am NOT sarcastic and my attempts at trying either come off mean (which makes me sad) or ridiculously hilarious that I have officially given up (and that's OK). I think a lot and I am a very, very deep thinker. I prefer to have deep, intense, real conversations with people. I want to know the deep, intense thoughts and emotions of God. I am pretty childlike. I struggle to be the free childlike, pure, loving person God created me to be and let go of the strong, determined, independent person the world has made me into. However, I am finding myself more and more free to be childlike, pure, and loving again. I am finding myself getting back to that pure, innocent girl I was. I am finding that the jadeness, hardness, hurt, bitterness, etc... is fading away in His presence. It's a beautiful thing to be in the place God has for you. He has given me a gift here. A gift that I am learning to build wherever I go. That gift is family. Spiritual family. See there is blood family, whom I love dearly. No one can ever replace them, EVER. And then there's Spiritual Families... the ones God gives you to be the different things your blood family wasn't able to be... Not that there was anything wrong with your blood family... Sometimes they just aren't the best at encouraging you, giving physical touch, or doing things for you and ya know you really needed those things. Well, God brings people into our lives that can do those things for us. I am so thankful that God has given such a HUGE Spiritual Family... I am so blessed and favored. Wow... that was a long, but good thought... :)
Ok, back to update: Some of the other things God is doing is teaching me about real freedom and how to bring that to the rest of His body. That has been fun and I have been sharing some of the revelations I've received about that on facebook. It's been pretty intense revelations and my little world has been rocked by how good he really is. Also, he's been talking to be about the serious need for unity and how he feels about it. It really breaks his heart to see all the hurt, shunning, anger, depression, bickering, etc... within His own children. It also gives him such immense joy when we gather together to worship him, he kinda gets a little hysterical about it. He also gets angry about all of it too... Did you know that he not only thinks things about us etc.. but he REALLY DOES FEEL THINGS ABOUT US TOO? I mean yeah we hear scriptures about it.... we "KNOW" about it... but do you really KNOW that it's true? He's happy with you. He's sad with you. He gets angry with you.... In fact, it's absolutely possible that some of those intense feelings could actually even be a little of his at times... We just need to get better at expressing those feelings with LOVE. So yeah, it's been fun. I am glad God is having me wait with him. I know he's training me to be able to bring his freedom, his love, his joy, his righteous anger, his holiness, his mercy, his grace, etc... wherever I go. It excites me to be able to share and teach more. It excites me to go. And for now I am learning to be excited in the waiting. I am finding stability in the midst of all this transition: it's in HIM.
Practical things: I am without a car and a friend of mine is willing to sell me hers for $500. I would need to get new batteries, brakes, and smog. Because my job is very part time I haven't been able to get the money for the car. I am also getting back into shape and finding that because of my many injuries (neck and low back) I really need to keep this up so I can continue to travel etc... pain free. God does heal absolutely and he gives us things we can do to stay healthy this is one of them. I am hoping to get a personal trainer to help me. I have found one that has physical therapy training etc... and quite knowledgeable on what I need to do get strong in certain areas of my body to protect these injured places. Please keep this in your prayers as this is really important for me to be able to start doing long term missions over seas. Also, I am praying about taking a short trip to Joburg to visit my kids and bring them somethings. I am also continuing to look into areas that I can serve doing local mission projects. Tulare County is one of the poorest in the nation and God will use me here while I am waiting, it's just when and where.
Thank you so much! You are all such a blessing to me and truly I keep the whole body lifted up as a whole. Please always know you are free to share prayer requests etc... with me and I will lift you up!
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE ALWAYS
Alicia
No comments:
Post a Comment