Joy in the Midst

Some of you know since you are on my facebook about my brother. I am so thankful for people's prayers. When my mom had texted me about starting a prayer chain for him I was like.... "oh, what did he do now? ugh." I was very annoyed and frustrated. Then, when I heard what had happened I remember hoping that the Lord is going to take him, that this will be the end of suffering for him and my family. Awful I know... I was really just trying to protect myself from feeling the hurt, pain, and sorrow over him. I am admitting this because I think this happens to many of us. I just get worn out by people sometimes. It is hard to sit back time and time again and watch someone you love and care about hurt themselves... not only themselves, but family as well. So, when I heard about this my first reaction was to protect myself and my family from it. I was angry, judgmental, scared, and hurt.
Then the fear hit me. I felt so afraid that he was going to die because, while I felt worn out and a part of me was just wanting all the pain to end, I still love him. Not only do I love him, but I have a Father who loves him and me even more! I then realized that my feelings of indifference and apathy was an attack from the enemy. See, I have been learning something on this trip that one of the attacks of the enemy is to get us to believe that his thoughts are our thoughts. So when I was thinking all of that, it wasn't me truly thinking it, I was just accepting those thoughts as my own. When I realized it was that then I was able to take those thoughts captive.
Then I was able to stand in the gap for my brother and lift him up. At this time I was still feeling anxiety ridden. My friend Brittanie encouraged me with a word of knowledge that she felt that some people need to brought so low until they can see Him and that she felt that this is what that was. That helped a bit, but it wasn't until 30 minutes later while praying and interceding for him that God struck me with the fact that he is still ALIVE and I needed to give thanks for that. So, When I started doing that I got hit with JOY and instead of reacting in anger and frustration towards my parents for this, I was able to impart joy to them as well. Not only joy, but reassurance and encouragement. Which is a HUGE change from the past! I started dancing and rejoicing in the hotel room at about 1230am, feeling the overwhelming joy of the Lord for my brothers life and HIS love for him! I felt reassured time and time again that the Lord has my brother in HIS hands.

Thanks again for all the prayers!!!

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!!