Victory a midst the feelings of defeat

I think the title to this one says it all although many of you may wonder why. I've been trying to put into words the I-5 tour and what my experience was and well... that about sums it up. We had so many amazing things happen. It was amazing. I saw so many of the people on the team really discover who they were and stand strong in who God has made them to be. However, I found myself shrinking back time and time again. I felt swallowed up in the midst of all the people and the activity. I've always been very sensitive in my own feelings as well as those around. I would do almost anything to stop a potential problem from happening, even if it meant hurting myself or causing people to become angry with me. I am protective of other people more often than I am of myself. While I know this is unhealthy, but I still haven't really learned what to do instead of try to mother bear everyone. It's like I have some strange internal wiring that if I see any potential problem I just go into hyper-protect mode and try to figure out a way to avoid it from happening. It may sound kind of funny as I write about it, but in reality it isn't. It's not my job to fix everyone's problems. It's not my job to protect everyone from every possible hurt, bump, bruise, etc... even though I honestly would like to. I cannot take God's position in people's lives. I cannot save them. I cannot die for them, although if the possibility of that were to arise, I probably would. I'm relearning a lot of things. That's probably the best thing I can sum up.

So, while amazing miracles happened (blind eyes opened, over 100 souls came to know Jesus and his love for them, backs healed from years of pain, dead raised, crooked legs straightened, ministries encouraged, strongholds broken, and sooo much more), I've found that God isn't concerned with that as much as he is about us. He was concerned about me the whole time. He was concerned about my heart. My thoughts. My heart. My everything. He was concerned about me rising into the fullness of who he has made me to be and not only me.... He was concerned with every individual that joined the team and every individual we encountered. He is much better at being a protector than I am. When I tried to sense, feel, know, and protect every single person on the tour, I became exhausted, impatient, frustrated, afraid, and so much more. I couldn't breath. I couldn't think straight. I felt swallowed up. I felt rejected and insecure. All of these things that aren't me... I lost who I was and felt completely defeated. However, we serve a God who does things exceedingly above our expectations! He works all things out for my good. He knows what he is doing... and I can say in the midst of everything that happened, he brought the VICTORY! 

Now, I can take time to really learn better ways to GUIDE people rather than (let's be real) control them. It is never and was never my hearts intention to ever control anyone... I want people to be free... Seriously! I want people to be so free to be themselves that they just can't hide themselves from anyone for any reason. BUT because I haven't dealt with some things in my life and learned tools like boundaries, I have learned to take other people's issues on as my own and in the end tried to control their outcome, when it was never mine to begin with. I am currently taking time to learn these things and heal. I became very responsible at a very young age... it's now time to let go of the responsibility I've put on myself for the whole world (literally at times) and just be responsible for little ole me... VICTORY!

History in the making!!!

A lot has continued to happen in life... I would say that I can't believe it, but to say that would annul my faith in the goodness of my God and the promises he's given. I will be updating more often... I know, I know... I've said that before, but really, I meant it ;-) So, some of the big things that have been happening is the ministry I am a part of, Open Heaven Cry, are going to be doing a historic revival tour of the west coast of North America! That's right, from Tijuana, Mexico to Vancouver, BC Canada! Our heart is to unite the Body of Christ through serving and encouraging various churches and believers a long the way, radically love all we meet, open up the heavens through worship and adoration of our King, heal, declare, prophecy, and bring freedom to all we meet! We are declaring the Kingdom of God, forerunning, and preparing the way of the Lord over America and ushering in the biggest awakening and revival the world has ever seen! I personally am in awe of how God has brought me to where I am today. The people I am now connected with and serving with, just wow...  I am in awe, humbled, and honored to know so many wonderful people who truly are the nameless and faceless giants in the kingdom of God. I am surrounded by people who understand that it costs everything and that yes he really is worth everything. I am blessed to have these treasures.
Anyway, in order for me to go on the tour I had to quit my job. As one of the leaders, I need to be able to go on the whole month long tour. So, in faith I gave my boss the notice. I love my job. It was an absolute blessing from God. My coworkers are amazing. My boss is great! They treat us like family. So to say that I was sad about this in an understatement, however, when God puts something before you, you go all in. That's what I did... I had no idea what I was going to do, but I know God always takes care of me. I had a dream about my coworkers telling my boss that they really liked me and didn't want to train anyone else and that they asked him to keep me on when I come back. Well, my boss has asked me to come back after the tour as a on-call, part time. God is FAITHFUL. This will leave me more time to be able to travel back and forth from Visalia to LA for ministry. I have been spending a lot of time in Koreatown and learning more about the Korean American culture. I have really fallen in love with the culture and the people. It also has one of the highest percentages of prostitution in LA. My hope is that I will be able to work part time and also minister more often in this area to women. God is doing a lot in this area and I can't wait to join in!
I am not sure what any of this will look like, but that is some of my hopes. I have learned recently that man makes his plans, but God always directs his life. It's day by day that he provides and directs. :)
I ask for your prayers during this time as I will be stepping into many influential areas. I ask for a humble and lowly heart, to be as wise a serpent and innocent as a dove, patience, love, wisdom, joy to be my strength everyday, peace, and understanding to guard all my ways. Some of the other needs are for the tour. Individually the cost is roughly 1500 for a month of travelling and that includes gas, food, accommodations, and emergency. I also, since I will be off for a whole month, am in need of help with my car payment. God has all my needs covered and I know he will provide as he always does, so just be praying for me about those things.
Also, if anyone feels lead to join, let me know!!! :) Seriously, the more the merrier!!! Love you all!!!! xoxoxo and be encouraged to go for the things God has put on your heart. It's never too late.

Full and satisfied...

I never thought that I would ever honestly be able to say this without any worry, fear, caution, or hindrance, but God is more good than I have ever imagined... Here it is: I AM TRULY SO HAPPY... Not just the happy that the world knows that is continually fleeting and impossible to attain for any measure of time, no this is JOY UNSPEAKABLE... My heart is so full and satisfied with Jesus, Daddy, and Holy Spirit and where he's placed me and the people he has given me. I thought I would be happy and satisfied in some other country... I'd be understood and received elsewhere, never in America though... Definitely not America... Well, here I am in little ol' central California, not some big city where I could be surrounded by crazy hippy type Jesus lovers... HA! I'm surrounded by people who are radically in love with Jesus and while they don't always understand me, they LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY and ACCEPT ME FOR ME! Because they know Jesus, they know me and because I know Jesus, I know them... It's heart to heart connections that I've never experienced before, but I've longed for my entire life. I've longed to be alive to see this happen in the body of Christ... This love, this hope, this joy, this peace, these relationships... People finally being set free, in love, fully connected with Jesus and with each other... The understanding of TRUE FAMILY... My heart is full and satisfied... To awaken the body of Christ to be FULLY IN LOVE WITH JESUS AND EACH OTHER IS WHAT I WOULD GLADLY LAY MY LIFE OWN FOR... I've been blessed to see glimpses of this here in Central California, LA, Seattle, Victoria, Canada and Vancouver, Canada... I thought I'd be happy in the middle of the continent of Africa, in the bush bush, serving and loving children. I thought my life would be fulfilled there... But I've found my life being fulfilled here. Surrounded by a diverse group of people (Asians, Mexicans, African Americans, First Nations, Europeans, etc...) who are all radically in love with Jesus, Daddy, and Holy Spirit... I have found my kind of crazy!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA Seriously though... We love each other, we hug each other, guys and girls spend time with each other without any fear of "relationship", and we learn how to love those that are sometimes more difficult to love. We have real joy. We have real peace. All we want to do is SHARE IT! We can't give away enough of it... We run around like crazy loving and hugging people and praying for them... Worshipping on the street! Jesus isn't just about one day service, he's about OUR WHOLE LIVES!!! He wants all of us or none of us and I've been blessed to be with people who live like it really does depend just on Jesus... HA! So that has been my little life... I want ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THIS TOO!!! JESUS IS WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH!!! I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO HAVE THIS IN YOUR LIFE!!! Whatever that looks like for you, because we are ALL unique and different! So my prayer is that everyone would radically meet Jesus... FACE TO FACE... That all would see Daddy God (not in fully glory) and sit on his lap... That everyone would experience the joy and comfort that Holy Spirit brings... and that we would all learn to live radical family and faith OUT LOUD! Because we are all family, so of us just don't know it yet!!! HAHAHA!!!!!! MUCH LOVE XOXOXOXOXO hahahhahah dooo doo dooo dooo dooododo! HAHAHA! just my little diddy at the end... :)

My reality of discipleship with Jesus...

As I am sitting here riding a train to San Francisco I started reading a book called "Make me like Jesus", by Michael Phillips. I was blown away by his love for God... not only his love but his desire to continually pray and dedicate his life to becoming more Christlike everyday. As I was reading, my heart was stirring. I've prayed that prayer many times. I've though about the cost of it and I can't help but say it every time he asks me if I would really see it through to end. I thought I was the only one he talked to like that.. It was refreshing reading someone else's journey in regards to this prayer.
To be Christlike is the one thing I have wanted most in my life. I have actually never shared that with anyone... Ever. The authors sharing of his heart cry has inspired me. I have honestly wanted to live like Jesus and be like him since I was a little, little girl and first began to understand about Jesus and God. I was very close with God as a young girl. I also did naughty things too that I shouldn't have done, like kick my brothers, lie, and steal... God would talk with me about it and I'd feel really sad about it, but he always forgave me and loved me. (Yes I was a wonderfully peculiar and interesting child. Always wise beyond my years and at the same time still quite the child). Even when I wasn't following after God and was quite mad at him for sometime, I still wanted to be like Jesus. I wanted to love like him. I wanted to have that compassion like he had for people. I wanted to talk with God like him... I even wanted to bear him like Mary did...
One thing I didn't realize though was how heavy the cost of living this out is. It costs EVERYTHING. Your time, your finances, your reputation, your family, your friends, your car, your clothes, your emotions, your body... EVERYTHING IS GIVEN OVER TO HIM. Unfortunately, not every person that believes in God wants to become like Gods son, Jesus, who is our ever living and present example of how to live this life as God intended. It breaks my heart to know this, but I can understand why when I look over my life. I've almost thrown in the towel several times. I know I've taken longer than what I would have liked to have in different situations and challenges God's faced me with. But I have never given up. And God's always patient with me and waits to bring the situation up again and again until I am ready to face it and pass it.
This is not an easy walk. It requires all that I am in order to say yes every day and listen to his voice as the world, situations, circumstances, and relationships pull so heavily. I am so weak, I sometimes can't even make it out the door without doing something that wasn't what Jesus wanted me to do... I am also learning to be easy on myself, as this is not an easy goal. Dying to everything of this world and everything in yourself that this world can pull on is NOT an easy task. It's minute by minute obedience. Luckily, when you're in love it isn't the begrudging obedience, it more of one of those "of course my love, why wouldn't I?" I must be honest though, sometimes it is... "Really? Alright I'll do it..." It's when I respond that way that God really likes to show off... I think it's to show me that I can really trust that he always knows best! He blows me away sometimes.
Now, I am not saying I am perfect at this by any means... I am NOT AT ALL... My life is messy. I am still learning a lot about healthy relationships and boundaries, which I like the idea of but not the word (I know... that sounds strange but that's not up for conversation right now). I am learning how to love people in ways that they can receive, even though I may get nothing back. I am learning that loving someone may not come from the way that I know how to show people love or that's easy for me to show them. I make a lot of mistakes in relationships like not being myself and letting someone who has a stronger personality take over and me just blend in... I also don't speak up when something bothers me until it has bothered me so much that I just kind of blow... Not healthy. I am learning about things I like and don't like... I've always kind of vaguely knew those things, but now I am learning even more. I am learning about who I am... Who God created me to be... See when other people were learning about who they were etc... I was busy trying to be like every one else because no one seemed to really like me. Now, I have to unlearn that and in order to be Christlike well, Jesus was like himself, not like anyone else... If my goal is to become like him well then I have to become who God made me to be... Well, who is that? So I've been on this journey of self/Jesus/Holy Spirit discovery with Daddy God and it's been a trip! I've got a long way to go on this trip and I am thankful that I have an ETERNITY LONG because he made me beautifully and intricately and wonderfully complex and yet so simple... Just like he is... Anyways, I don't have this whole being Christlike thing figured out at all, but I LOVE HIM. And I am so encouraged to know there are others whose main goal in life is to just be like him! I'm not alone! Hallelujah!

Much love, joy, hope, peace, perseverance, and prayers from me to you,
Alicia Turnock XOXOXOXO

HELLO 2014!

2013 was an interesting year. I got to go to Johannesburg, Africa and work with these amazing wonderful kids and meet some of the most amazing,  on fire, and in love with Jesus people I've ever met. I have been very blessed this past year. I've also learned patience. While my desire is to get back to Africa, I've been in this waiting process. So, while 2013 brought me the greatest joy, it also brought me the most important lessons in resting, waiting, patience, and trusting. I've had to learn to really steward and pray over the dreams that God has given me. I am also learning to love people better, no matter how I feel. It's easy to love people when they are nice. It's easy to love those who agree with you. It's not as easy when people are different from you. When they disagree with you or even worse when it seems like they've hurt you or betrayed trust. One of the books I've really liked is Keeping Your Love On by Danny Silk. He talks about how to keep loving people even in the most difficult situations. Ya know,  I love California, but it's definitely not Minnesota. Minnesotans are very unique and I have come to realize just how unique we are. There are many unsaid social graces that we have that many other people don't know or understand. I've had to relearn how to communicate out here because Californians have their own little unique things they do too. It's been very interesting and definitely preparing me to go back into missions. I would love to get more involved with ministries out here and am praying about what God is wanting me to do. I currently participate in and setting up Life Church's dance and prophetic worship. That has been a lot fun because I love to dance and worship! I have also been helping with youth ministry there as well. I am hoping to get out of the four walls though and am praying about hanging out with people who don't have permanent housing. I really love to hear people's stories and just be a listening, caring ear. I hope to be able to do something like this, but I've been learning to not do things that Jesus isn't wanting me to do and to do the things he's wanting me to do. Some of that includes not going on trips I've been invited on and really want to go on. It includes working and saving money, now that I have a job. It includes lots of prayer and one on one time with Jesus, Holy Spirit,  and Daddy/Father God. I am so thankful for 2013 and all happened. I am also so thankful for it to be over and to be in 2014. I've felt so much anticipation about this year. I've felt it will be God's time of bringing justice to his people (HIS justice, not ours) and restoration of dreams and desires that God has given. I can't wait to see what happens corporate wide for the Body of Christ. I pray for more unity and to understand how to love each other well verses fighting over the things we don't agree and don't understand about each other. Let's dream big, love well, and usher God's kingdom into existence right where we are at. Welcome 2014. Heaven, you're reign is welcome over this year and over our lives.
Amen!
Much love, blessings, joy, and prayers from me to you,
Alicia Turnock

Well, today is Christmas Eve and soon 2014 will be here! I don't know what else to say about this year. It was amazing to get to go to South Africa! I miss my friends and family there so much... it's hard to think about it sometimes, but I know God is so much bigger and can care for them better than I can. I am beyond blessed to have met them, worked alongside of them, and learn from them. I love them. I was beyond blessed to have so many people come together and support my trip there and back. I was blown away by how many people believe in what God has placed on my heart.
I've also had quite a few surprises! Like getting stuck in California... It was supposed to be a short trip! HA! God's so funny! I've also, surprisingly, found myself missing the cold MN winter! I KNOW RIGHT??? CRAZY! I ended up making a home in California. Weird... Ya know, I love them, but Californians are definitely different though from Minnesotans. The longer I live here, the more I realize it! I don't really know what else to say other than THANK YOU! Really, I mean it. I've learned so much from the people around me... How to bless people, how to love, how to be free, how to communicate, how to wait on the Lord, how to support and encourage each other, how to let God's joy be our strength, how to have unwavering faith, etc... You guys blow me away! God has definitely used all of you in my life to stretch me and cause me to check my own heart so often. I am a rich women. You guys are all my heavenly treasure and I'm so thankful for your relationships that will never rust or be eaten by moths because we continually grow in love together. AMEN!!!
May God bless you and keep you and make HIS LIGHT shine upon you! AMEN!!!
Blessings of joy, love, hope, patience, and endurance in this next year! LET'S MAKE IT A YEAR OF LOVE AND LET IT BEGIN IN ME! AMEN!

LOVE YOU,
Alicia

Training Ground

Most of you know I am living in California. I was living in Redding, CA for a few months and have now moved to permanently, until God releases, to the San Joaquin Valley (central) California. More specifically to Tulare County, which one of the poorest counties in the US. It has the highest unemployment rates in the US, one of the highest teen pregnancy rates, HIV/AIDS epidemic among youth, and several other issues. I know God has called me here to be trained and to rise up in the giftings and callings God has given me. I have started the process of joining leadership at my local church, Life Church the Movement, and have also heard the call to take up the piano/keyboard. I have been ministering to some of the youth and am pursuing a job tutoring children. I am excited about these next steps God has given me and I have peace about it. I plan to still visit Africa, but as far as going there on a more permanent basis that will be at a much later date. 

Some of my current needs are: PRAYER, PRAYER, PRAYER. I need strength, wisdom, love, endurance, confidence, patience, humility, etc... I also have need of a keyboard to start practicing on. As far as finances go, I am not sure yet as I haven't started this job yet. I believe this job will take care of most of my PERSONAL finances. I would like to be able to take youth on outings and movies and I don't think I will have that in my budget. I would love to be able to take youth to different events happening in the state that would encourage them and speak life to them. I will let you know more as I figure more things out. I would also like to be able to pour into the lives of the poor in the community as well. Many here are severely impoverished and anything would help them. I believe that this county, this valley, this state will  pour forth great love, joy, peace, and hope to MANY in the US and the nations just as they pour out all the food that literally feeds the world. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support. This is an exciting time for me right now. 

Also, in the next couple of days I will be taking a trip back up to Redding, CA for Fri. and Sat. with some of my friends to experience more liberation. Please be praying for safe travels and God to have his way with us and that when we come back we come back in power, authority, and FREEDOM from God for this area! 

AMEN!

Blessings, love, joy, and peace,

Alicia Turnock